


Promise Me That You'll Never Leave Me

by GingerHoran



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Illness, M/M, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-20
Updated: 2013-08-20
Packaged: 2017-12-24 03:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/934937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerHoran/pseuds/GingerHoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Zee? I fought the dragons today Zee, but she still screams, she still calls me worthless.” Niall whispered into the boy’s ear, who was slowly stirring, the light in the room causing him to squint. Niall was slightly flushed, and when he caught Zayn’s gaze he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, and Zayn doesn’t feel that little hum in his stomach he used to feel whenever the boy smiled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise Me That You'll Never Leave Me

“I need to go and buy some Band-Aids. There’s a new band playing at the rovers tonight we should take Harry. Yeah Harry said that Lauren was very nice”

Zayn didn’t notice the change immediately, it was slow processes almost like a burning but by the time medical aid was involved it was far too late, Niall was off into his own delusional world and Zayn couldn’t do anything for him.

“Zaynie?” The blond boy muttered, biting into an apple, and Zayn’s breath hitched slightly as he could almost see that familiar light in his eyes, but a whimpering from Niall was all he needed to pull out of his trance. “It’s too loud Zaynie,” Niall whined, covering his ears with his hands and shaking uncontrollably on the chair, but Zayn couldn’t comfort the boy, instead he stepped away leaving the boy the smash his fists violently against the marble surface.

Hot, wet tears were falling, dribbling down his face as his knees gave way so he fell backwards onto the sofa, his sobbing muffled as he bit into a pillow, he didn’t know exactly when he fell asleep but all he remembered was silence, and it was comforting.

“Zee? I fought the dragons today Zee, but she still screams, she still calls me worthless.” Niall whispered into the boy’s ear, who was slowly stirring, the light in the room causing him to squint. Niall was slightly flushed, and when he caught Zayn’s gaze he smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, and Zayn doesn’t feel that little hum in his stomach he used to feel whenever the boy smiled.

The day goes as a usual Sunday goes for the two flatmates; they go to this shitty coffee house down the road, because he says the woman likes the coffee and that the woman likes the uncomfortable booth chairs and the unfriendly waitresses. Zayn’s tired, his eyes are droopy and he can’t seem to focus on anything in particular, but Niall is the opposite as he clenches Zayn’s hand in his own, the voices babbling away and all he can hear are random strings of negative conversation.

_‘Worthless, ugly… he’s a stupid little bastard’._

_‘He’s wrong… you’re always wrong’_

_'Nobody loves you, only me. I love you Niall, listen to me, I’m the only one who loves you’_

“Fuck off!” Niall screeches, his hands tearing at his hair, and Zayn’s pulled from his dull state to look at the blue-eyed boy in front of him. Arms are enclosed around the small boy, who stops shaking immediately and instead flips his head from side to side quickly, his elbow unknowingly catching Zayn in the ribs.

“There all looking, tell them to stop looking…” his speech soon turns to mumbles, and he again looks up at Zayn whose shuffled to the other end of the booth, clutching the polystyrene cup in his hands, and its burning his skin but he doesn’t care.

“We’re going for a walk, I need a smoke” Niall demands quickly, standing up and tossing his bag over his shoulder, he grips Zayn’s hand a little too tightly in his own his nails digging into the dry flesh but Zayn’s numb.

Niall starts to mellow slightly, and Zayn wants to ask where they’re going as Niall pushes him down alleyways, and into backstreets but he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, and it’s chilly but Niall is slightly warm, his eyes blue and dazed and as he leans against a wall. “I don’t know what to do anymore…” Niall whispers, but the way he’s leaning into the wall, his eyes planted to the floor, Zayn knows he’s not being spoken too, so he just loosens Niall’s grip on him and slides down onto the floor, his chin resting on his knees as he tries not to let the tears flow again.

They stay there for what seems like hours, but it’s only a few silent minutes that drag on forever, and Niall’s leg is moving frantically, his eyes are dull and he’s just blinking, and Zayn just stares, he sees the grit in Niall’s fingers, his greasy hair, and the dirt on his face, and he remembers back to the time when Niall cared.

They walk home in silence, and Zayn grips Niall’s hand in his own, linking the fingers together and it’s mostly silence, except the jingle of Niall’s bag, or his constant whispers which Zayn’s learnt to ignore. Zayn slides the key into the door, waiting for it to beep and turn green so he can just collapse onto the bed.

“Zaynie,” Niall asks, and Zayn sighs turning to look at his best friend. “ Thank you” he says, his eyes turning that shade lighter, and he cuddles into Zayn’s chest, sniffing at the cologne on his collarbones and breathing it all in, the boy, his friend, Zayn.

Zayn closes his eyes, holding back a sob and cuddles the boy close, they go inside and Niall’s relatively quiet, and Zayn, even though he is shattered, he wants to make the best of Niall’s soft mood. The shampoo’s apple scented and Niall giggles quietly as Zayn scrunches it through his blond locks, before washing it down with the warm water from the shower, he gets out dries himself and places a kiss on Zayn’s cheek as a thank you.

Niall doesn’t do much that night, he’s pretty silent, lost in his own thoughts, and for Zayn it’s sad because he remembers when they would mess about, eat greasy take-away food, make drunken prank calls and annoy the neighbours with loud noises. But that’s gone now, and whilst Niall is there in body, his mind is lost, so in reality Zayn can’t _really_ say he’s there at all.

Zayn falls into a deep slumber that night, and his dreams are just a simple clash of colours and he’s grateful with his subconscious, because it’s normally full of the voices that scream at Niall, the ones that make him whimper and cry but they disappear when Zayn wakes up, but they never disappear for Niall. There’s crying, and Zayn can feel the hot tears dripping onto his bare arms, and he’s being pulled with a thump to the floor. Brown eyes meet blue suddenly, and Zayn flinches back, because he can’t deal with this right now, but he has to, he’s promised.

“Zaynie, please let me sleep with you. She’s screaming, and she won’t be quiet. There all screaming but she’s too loud, please help me,” he cries, and Zayn’s shaking his head, watching as Niall backs up into the wall ripping at his hair.

“Please, please, please” he’s pleading in choked whispers, curling into himself and sliding onto his knees with his feet bent so their crushed between his body and the wall, and Zayn sits up slowly leaning up into the bed frame because he’s tired and dizzy and its 3am, and he can’t deal with this right now.

Eventually he lets Niall crawl into the bed with him, and he deals with the knocking knees, and the sniffles, and the thrashing about before he’s snoring quietly and Zayn breathes, moving Niall’s fringe from his sticky forehead, placing a gentle kiss there before tuning so his back is now facing Niall, and falls asleep.

 

“You monster! Piss off, fuck off, get out of here,” he screams, flailing about with his arms, and kicking Zayn out of the bed, who crumbles to the floor, and damns himself for letting Niall into his bed last night, because he knew what would happen but he still relented to the cries.

Zayn doesn’t bother to pull out the couch and sleep on there, because he’s awake now, so he floats through the kitchen, making a strong cup of coffee and just stands by the fridge where there is collage of pictures. In every single one of them Niall is smiling, and Zayn feels like crying but there’s no moisture left, and his throat is dry and he just can’t find the energy to even cry anymore.

The coffee is lacking sugar, so its bitter and dark and exactly how Zayn’s dislikes his coffee to be but he doesn’t bother rooting for any cream so he just drinks it from the chipped mug, running his fingers over the picture. They were in Blackpool and eating cold chips, their noses were red and they were bundled up in tatty clothing sitting by the salty sea but they were happy, they were sane and they were friends.

But nowadays Zayn doesn’t even recognise Niall anymore, never mind remembering how they met in high school, how they partied together throughout college, mucked about while doing the same degree in London and failed to get any girls but they were friends, they pissed about and they were happy.

Niall comes out of Zayn’s bedroom, his hair is messy and he’s pulled on an old red hoodie which they have matching, and he smiles and this time it does reach his eyes and it hurts for Zayn to look at, but then he remembers it’s just Niall, and some days he may disappear, he’ll always return back to Zayn as his best friend.

“Dude, stop spacing out on me” Niall cackles, shoving Zayn away from the fridge lightly, and pulling out some milk, eggs and flour which he places on the counter.

“I’m making pancakes, you want some Zayn,” Niall mutters, spilling flour on the floor and quickly shunting it about with his bare foot before he turns to grin childishly at Zayn whose just watching, memorising and remembering , ready to file away into the messy cabinets in his head labelled with the name of his best friend. Because he hears voices, and he cries and he’s delusional but he’s Niall, and Zayn remembers making that promise when Niall was diagnosed.

_“I’m very sorry Mr Horan but it’s Schizophrenia” The doctor sighs, looking at the sheets of Niall’s brains scans._

_Zayn’s frozen in his seat, and he can’t seem to think but Niall’s grasps his hand messily, and his voice is cracking as he speaks and Zayn’s nodding, agreeing to absolutely everything as he’s pulling the younger boy into a close embrace._

_“Please promise me Zayn, promise you’ll look after me, never leave me please”_


End file.
